Wednesday, January 21, 2009

What's in a name?

I really should get to work. I've got Leon Panetta here, and apparently he locked himself out of his computer, or doesn't know his password or some nonsense. He called the IT department over at CIA headquarters, and they won't tell him his password. Apparently it's secret.

However, I did want to touch on a very important subject before I go. I heard some pundits suggest that I shouldn't have used my full name when taking the oath of office. They were worried that people might react negatively to my middle name.

Really? We just had non-stop election coverage for the past two years. I've been all over the news and the internet. I've never hid my name. You can go find it on Wikipedia. Are there people who still don't know my middle name is Hussein?

I'm not ashamed of my name. When I was younger, I used to go by Barry. True story. But by the time I reached college, I was my own man and I decided I shouldn't be ashamed of my given name. This is the name my father and mother chose for me.

Jesus Loves DickI will not hide from the associations other people have given this name. I will establish new associations for how people view my name.

Do you know who should be ashamed of their name?

Dick Cheney.

Seriously. Can you imagine being called Dick all the time? Here is your coffee, Dick. Goodnight, Dick. Please don't point that rifle at me, Dick. With a name like Dick, you're bound to be made fun of.


  1. Thanks for making me really laugh out loud and snort coffee through my nose this morning, Mr Fake President! Job well done.

    Who does the Good Lord not love? Jesus surely does love Dick too.

  2. I'm glad you approve, Chandira. I do it all for you. I do it all for you.


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